Day 20 – A Difficult Time in My Life
I’ve mentioned before how I always aim for positivity over negativity. But, majority of the difficult situations I’ve faced have all led to positive outcomes!
It was sometime in late June early July of 2012. My husband and I were ready to try for baby #3! We planned it, tried for it, and first month, we were pregnant! Everything was going amazing, perfect smooth pregnancy. Then, at 11 weeks, middle of September, almost the end of my first trimester, I miscarried.
It was devastating. I don’t know why women tend to blame themselves and think of what they could have done differently. But our doctor reassured us that these things happen, sometime for no apparent reason. She also told us to take time to grief and if we wanted to try again to wait 3 months.
I grieved as best as I could. Thanked God for my beautiful daughter and amazing husband. I spent more time enjoying them then I ever have before. I think realizing I could loose something so precious in the blink of an eye I needed to appreciate every moment.
Then November came around. I remember the pumpkin spice candles lit and beautiful fall air. We decided to try again. Without as much planning as before, we just went for it. First month, surprise! Positive pregnancy test! With what happened last time, we waited until we had our first doctors appointment to tell those close to us, and after we entered into our second trimester to announce to everyone else.
This pregnancy was amazing. I felt amazing, did yoga every day, it was perfect! Baby was growing perfectly, no problems! I was always small until right at the end.
One night, I woke up feeling something strange. I can’t really describe it other than it felt like I popped. 33 weeks 5 days. July 11, 2013. I stood up, had an “oh shit” moment and yelled at my husband. My water broke.
I kept thinking it’s too soon. We don’t have a diaper bag, hospital bag isn’t packed, the crib isn’t set up, we have nothing! My baby shower was in 2 weeks, our maternity photos in 3 weeks. She’s too soon, too little! I’m not due until August 28!
Hubs scrambled to pack a bag, get stuff for Gabi to go to grandmas, and hurried to the hospital.
Triaged checked me out, my water had indeed broke and I was 5cm. She was coming. Ready or not.
I remember being in labor completely calm. Until they said I was 9cm and nurses flooded my room with NICU equipment. They then told me about the risks of having a baby this soon and the complications, etc. I wish they didn’t. Just let things happen and explain later. I knew all these complications after two pregnancies and lots of reading. I didn’t need to be reminded two minutes before I started pushing.
Finally. She’s here! She’s perfect 5lb 6oz perfect baby girl. Big for a 33 weeker. I held her and loved her for a few minutes when the NICU nurse wanted to examine her. Something was wrong with her lungs, they immediately ran her to the NICU.
Hours went by before they told us anything or even let us see her. When we finally got to see her, we were only able to touch her with the back of our fingers thru an incubator.
Days went by, tubes in and out, she was breathing on her own and after 3 long days, we were able to hold her. She was still struggling to eat, so she had a tube to feed her. At one time down her nose, later down her throat. It was horrible to watch. But I pumped religiously, and with help from the amazing NICU nurses, she ate majority of my breastmilk vs formula.
It was such a hard time. I basically lived at the hospital. The NICU nurses let me sleep in their break room during shift changes. I would go home around lunch to eat and shower and be with my Gabi. The best day ever was when Gabi finally got to meet Sofia.
It was a challenging time for our family. We were buying our first home. We literally signed the loan documents during shift change one day! My husband was scrambling to work on Sofia’s room so it would be ready when she was sent home. I basically lived in my car or in the hospital. Watching my daughter be poked and prodded non stop, but she was improving faster than we imagined! When she was first born, they told us she wouldn’t be coming home until she was closer to my due date, 6 weeks! But, after 10 long days. She was released! Gained weight perfectly, eating and breathing without assistance, and no more jaundice. She was perfect and ready to come home.
Our rainbow baby. A baby born after a miscarriage. She sure gave us the scare of a lifetime. But she’s happy, healthy, and a ball of sass today! I cannot thank the NICU enough for everything, my husband for his amazing support, and everyone who was with us through all of it. It was a scary experience, but looking at this girl today and how amazing she is, I’m grateful to have experienced it. Without that experience, who knows where we’d be today…